Love me Hate me..??

This is a story about love..
Agak sedey and romantik..tapi percaya lah..aku pown ley nangis..huhu..
cerite ni aku amek kat membe ku..
enjoy..



I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin.
I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club.
I found that I fell in love with him.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him.
And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls.
To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment
grabbing me.
"No… I am going to meet a friend…"

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.
Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before.
To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days…
Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail.
I don't know why…

Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…

Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room,
waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark…
he still didn't call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
Then around 2 a.m. in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep.
He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now.
I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.
He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… "Wait…"
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it,
then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground.
He didn't want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that…
Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn't call me,
although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house.
That's how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl…
He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll…
I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell…
Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…

In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it's going to end.
Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around.
Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry"
He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With aloud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted…
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, move!"
HONK~!!
"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
That's how he went away from me.
That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him…
And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out.
I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

"One…two… three…"
That was how… I started to count the dolls…
"Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty
five…"
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

"I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the dolls,shocked.

"I….lo..ve…you??"
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

"I love you~ I love you~"
It can't be! I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn't I realize that….
That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn't I realize that he love me this much…
I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it.
The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…

"Jo…Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days.
Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you
forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo…
I love you…"

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now?
He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life….

Van rosak time nk balek rumah dari subang!!!

Time tu pukul 12.45 pagi owh..kitorang kat sri muda...
kitorang baru balek dari meeting CNI mcm byase la..
pastu, van shapik rosak..asap yg kuar kat exzos mcm siot hitamnye..
berkepul2 lak tu..
kitorang mula la panik..
time tu kat lane paling kanan jalan..
wawawa..
time ni la, van wat hal..
kitorang terpaksa tolak van tu ke tepi jalan..
agak scary la kan coz byk trailer lalu lalang..
huhuhu...nk g ke tepi jalan tu pown rase mcm lame gile..
then bile kitorang sampai kat tepi jalan yg selamat dari trailer2 besar 2..
kitorang xtaw nk wat pe..
act kitorang dah byase la kan kalo van ni rosak..
tapi kali ni laen sket..van rosak time pepagi bute..
org sume tgh tdo..
naseb baik abg subran datang tolong..
hahahaha..
bas besar sampai je, kitorang mintak tolong die betolkan..
huhuhu...
then bole lak minyak van pown abes..
hahaha...saket hati kitorang bertambah la..
aku, pyan,akmal n shapik terpaksa tolak van tu ke petrol station terdekat..
petrol station terdekat pown dalam 4 kilo..
kitorang pown redah je la..
kalo x tolak mau tido tepi jalan??
hahahaha...time tolak tu mmg best...kene keja anjing, kene nyanyi lagu uitm..kene maki ngan mat rempit..(kitorang maki balek)
hahaha..dah tu sume penat..
shapik x tolak pown act..
die g bagi signal kat kete kat blakang kite untuk g kanan..
hahaha..lane kiri kitorang punye!!!
hehehehe...akmal lak dok dalam van pegang steering..
aku,mat J, ngan pian ar jadi magsa tolak van...
wawawa...
yg paling malunye..
ade awek lalu siap hon kitorang n said" van rosak ke abg??"
hahaha..tp kitorang act balas balek...
tp lupe ape kitorang kutuk awek tu..
hahahaha...setelah lame menolak..kitorang sampai jua ke petrol station tu..
then kitorang tontong duit beli air n rokok..hahahaha..
xde rokok xley idop..
hhehehehehehe..
last2 shapik call abg aku, arep , suruh bawak tali..
kete arep tarik van sampai kat klang..
Kitorang sampai kat klang dalam kul 5 kot..
hahaha..
teros breakfast..
huhuhu..tp memang fun gile la..
sory..time accident ni berlaku..
handphone aku xde bateri..
hehehe..so xde gamba..
hahahahaha..
cowie!!!
peace out..

Pyan(straw'o)
Mat J(UiTM Arau)
Umar(UiTM Alamanda)
Akmal(UiTM KPTM Bangi)
Shafiq(Agency Manager CNI)
Ijan(Straw'o/UiTM Arau)
Arep(TNB)

Lagu kureka ketika MMS..Cinta Jarak Jauh

Lagu ni sebenarnye lagu kitorang sebilik..
I dapat Ilham untuk mereka lagu ni dari roomate I yg paling rapat, Rian..
Lagu ni bertopik kan seorang yg terpaksa meninggalkan soulmate die untuk mencapai impian nya..(iaitu g u la)
then die meyakinkan soulmatenye bahawa die x kan pergi buat selamanya..
die akan sentiasa sayang soulmate die and berjanji akan kembali pada soulmatenye some day..
huhuhuhu!!
gile Jiwang lagu ni..
wacakap lu!!!
hahahaha!!!

Lagunye xdapat di upload kat blog ni..(sebenarnye x reti..)
huhu..
tp i akan bekalkan Lyric nye..
lagu nye akan di upload x lame lagi..


CINTA JARAK JAUH

Selama ini, Kita bersama,
Tiada apa yang, Menghalang kita,
Situasi kini, Kuterpaksa memilih,
Antara Cinta, Dan cita-cita...

oh..
Kau perlu mengerti..
oh..
Kau perlu memahami..

Chorus :

Aku terpaksa pergi,
Buat sementara,
Untuk mencapai cita-cita,
Cinta Jarak Jauh Ini hanya sementara,
aku pasti akan, kembali padamu...

oh..

padamu..


Walau beribu batu, Jauhnya kau dan aku,
Percayalah sayangku, Aku tetap menyayangi mu..

oh..
Kau perlu mengerti..
oh..
Kau perlu memahami..

Chorus :

Aku terpaksa pergi,
Buat sementara,
Untuk mencapai cita-cita,
Cinta Jarak Jauh Ini hanya sementara,
aku pasti akan, kembali padamu...

oh..

padamu..

MMs mcm siot!!!
sbb kene turun naik tangga 10 tingkat setiap hari..
huhuhu..tp act salau ponteng aktiviti mms..
terutama skali LDK..hahahaha..
malas nk turun..

tp time sesi bersama senior mmg best gile..
hahahaha...berdekar gelak kat blakang...huhuhu!!!
roomates yg laen gatal usha awek..
layan diorang mmg best la..
tepok mcm budak2..
rumput yg ijaw la..
ape la..
huhuhu..mcm kat tadika pown ade..hahahaha!!!
mms week agak best la..haha..
ramai kenalan baru!!

Kolej Alamanda!!

First day kat sane..mmg mcm siot la.. dah la datang lambat.. nak register mcm tunggu raye.. haha, then terjumpe lah membe lame skolah kat sane..tenang sket hati..huhu..then lepas register, bala datang.. salah naek block..hahaha!! ter naek block b(block pompuan).malu gile.. haha, then turun balek g kat lobby.. pastu malapetaka berlaku..lif di penuhi org!! tunggu lif nk dekat sejam baru dapat.. tension gak la.. pastu sampai je kat bilik..huhuhu.. bilik kat alamanda mmg best gile.. luas...then dalam bilik tu ade 3 bedrooms and 4 toilets.. master bedroom( boleh muat 6 org)(bilik aku lak tu) ade bathtub...hahahaha!! setelah kemas sume, pergi lah jumpe roomates baru.. sume roomates ok..xde kaki buli.. sporting gile..haha.. dari veranda boleh nampak KLCC, KL tower and Tm Tower.. best gile pemandangan.. memalam lg syok..sejuk gile.. yg x bestnye kat alamandani is the suasane.. kawasan cine lak..bising lagi.. huhu..